i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
