Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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