my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
