Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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