Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize