Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
