just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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