Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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