I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
