so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize