don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
