nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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