I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think a kid would responsible me up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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