the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
