haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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