Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
