I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
soo... how was my night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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