We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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