I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
