Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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