After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
