if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i think i just lost a toe
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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