i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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