If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found your dick twin last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
