Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
