I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
