There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
