Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
