I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
