Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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