the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
