She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
