1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is not my ceiling
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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