I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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