normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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