O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
