Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
