I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
