Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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