I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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