Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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