You work out of a Hotel?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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