Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
