I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
