come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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