I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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