Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
