sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize