I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize