Where is the hickey?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
