Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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