I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize