Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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