I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
