He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
