I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
