go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
