if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
