If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
