I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
