Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
