I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You have to summon your inner elephant
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
