When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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