I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
