just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
