i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
