i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
