Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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