Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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