The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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