well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
