After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
