she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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