So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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