yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
