guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
