using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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